Baby Steps

While I live the role of a behavior consultant during the day, I live the life of a mama to two children at night (and really the day, who am I kidding – parenting is a round the clock gig!). And while some might assume that because I do “behavior” for a living I do not have any “behavior” issues at home, that is far from the truth. #IWish

My sweet son just turned 4 last week and is the biggest mama’s boy you will ever meet. He LOVES to snuggle and be near me, especially when it’s time to go to sleep. Bedtime has never been easy for him. It comes with lots of tears, begging, and sometimes full-on tantruming to get me to stay with him until he falls asleep. And ya know what – it freaking works for him! I am the sucker that always gives in and stays. #MomFail

Well, I decided that enough was enough. I could not continue to spend 2 hours of my night laying down with him until he finally fell asleep and then tip-toeing out of his room, praying that he wouldn’t wake up. If anyone else had ever described my scenario to me, asking for guidance, I would have said they were crazy and had to stop that behavior immediately. I would have quickly launched into giving advice from a “behavior” perspective, questioned the function of the child’s behavior, talked about reinforcement, etc. But as a mama, I was failing to heed my own advice. #Foolish

It was time to listen to my own advice. I needed to reflect on the function of his behavior and then figure out a way to meet that function by teaching him a more appropriate way to get that function met. His function – gain my attention/escape the emotion of feeling scared. His current behavior to achieve that function – cry, whine, tantrum. How was I going to get him to sleep in his own bed, ALONE, without engaging in all kinds of crazy behavior and still meet his need of being with me/not feeling scared? I was overwhelmed just thinking about it.

And then it dawned on me – I was going to take baby steps.

We started small – I tucked him in and asked him to stay in his bed, quietly, for 2 minutes until the timer went off. I explained to him that when the timer went off, I would return and snuggle him until he fell asleep. While he was crazy resistant at the beginning and cried the entire 2 minutes the first and second night, he still did it. And ya know what, he also started to believe me when I said I would come back, which allowed him to not panic and to trust the system.

Fast forward to day 3 and we were up to 5 minutes on the timer and no tears, by day 4 – 10 minutes, and day 5 – 15 minutes. By day 4, he was sound asleep in his bed before the timer ever even went off and has continued the trend ever since. Bedtime has gone from the most dreaded time of day for both of us, to being a piece of cake in a matter of days. All because we took baby steps.

I sure wish I would have taken my own advice a little sooner and not tortured myself (or him) with our dysfunctional bedtime routine for the last 2 years, but instead of dwelling on the past, I will celebrate the fact that I have gained back a solid hour each night and can finally fill my own bucket with a glass of wine, conversation with my husband, and even an episode of Big Brother here and there. #DontJudge #MomWin